I would like to make a public service announcement: YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR RAISING MY CHILD!
Where do people get off on telling you how to raise your child? There are three types of people that do this. And I'm going to break them down into groups and tell each of you a piece of my mind! I was just sent a text from a friend who said "write about how to deal with others opinions on raising your child". Why didn't I think of this topic sooner. It's an issue that all mothers and fathers face everyday! And one that is in my top 5 parenting peeves.
Let's start with the strangers. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT approach me in the store and tell me how to calm my child down. I will curse you out. With no problem. I remember one time this lady was in line with me at the store when Camden was very small maybe two weeks old. And told me I was crazy for brining him out the house. I looked her square in the face and said "No you are crazy for thinking that you know me well enough to tell me anything about my child". With strangers I think it's completely fair to go off! They want to be in your business, well let me give you a piece of my mind while you're at it. And you want to know what makes me even more upset? When they are old and haven't had a toddler in 60 years. Like I'm sorry granny but it's 2014. Keep your old school remedies to yourself. I'm sorry I just think in these situations all parents should address the person and say what they feel since they decided to do the same.
Then there are your friends. And when it comes to friends there are two types, ones with kids and ones without. Now if you don't have kids and you always saying to your friends with kids "when I have kids I'm gonna...." Well boo you don't got no kids so you don't know what you gonna do. And until you get some, save it! We all say what we going to do when we get something. I said when I got a car nobody will eat or drink in it. Look in my backseat today and I'm sure there is a water bottle and some fruit snack somewhere in there. Then there are the friends that have kids. These friends are even better (insert sarcasm here). Every time you do something they always have a better way for you to do it. I remember I was telling my one friend that I pop Camden when he acts up. And she started telling me all the reason she would never hit her daughter. Ok girl, I don't care why you wouldn't hit her. And I wasn't asking your advice I was telling you what I DO, not what should I do. With these people I just ignore them. It's natural for these people to say things like this in passing. Just go along with it and let it in one ear and out the other.
The next set of people are the hardest to deal with. And I will admit that I still completely struggle with this too. EVERYDAY! Sometimes I take it too far to the left by going off or getting defensive when family tries to tell me how to raise my son. I live in my parents basement and it's so hard for me to be mom and my mother to be grandma. When your kids are with their grandparents they do whatever they want. And the child knows that as soon as you drop them off with "ya-ya" (Camden's nickname for my mother) he will have candy all day and stay up later than usual. But when you live with them it's so hard. Camden will come to me and say "mommy can I have some candy?" And I tell him no. He cries for a min then a lightbulb flicks off in his head and he knows he can go ask ya-ya. And when he returns he's like "ya-ya gave me candy mommy, ok?". So of course in my home there is a lot of opinions. You should cut his hair like this, he should stay up late on the weekends, you shouldn't let him watch that, you should make him sit further from the tv, so on and so on. Some of these things get under my skin. But others I just let roll off my back. My parents are old. They raised us differently than children are being raised today. For example putting cereal in bottles. Doctors are against it. It is one of the main causes of obesity. Now I'm not judging if you put cereal in your bottles, I'm just saying I didn't want to do that. Things like that I would just try to explain to my family. If they didn't get it then I would try to calmly say "ok well this is the way that I'm doing it and I hear your advice". What I had to learn is that family isn't trying to hurt you they are trying to help. It just gets annoying on the receiving end. Trust me I get it.
So here is my advice to my friend that text me this issue today: you are mommy so you make the rules. Stand by what you need to do with raising your child. But also listen to the people around you. Some things are positive changes that maybe you can take and tweek to fit your family. And if there is someone that is on your back all the time, pull them to the side and express yourself. Stand by your choices. At the end of the day you are the one that has to answer for your children, not strangers/friends/family.