It's been a week or so I guess since I wrote a real blog. And I guess that's mostly because everything I wanted to say I wanted to say to someone I couldn't say it to.
You know how you have those friends who you can talk to for hours and they just laugh and talk back and time just stands stills. Well I lost my person like that. Almost 4 years ago. And it's not so hard anymore. But sometimes when major things happen in my life he's the one that I want to call and laugh with. Well this weekend I successfully planned my first wedding. (Did I tell you guys I am an event planner, well I am! And I just did my first wedding and it was a hit, not to toot my own horn but TOOT TOOT!)
After it was over, well after I set up the reception and seen how great it turned out, I wanted to sit down and just have a cry. Not a cry because it was a lot or a cry because I was glad it was over, but a cry because my biggest support (outside of family) wasn't going to be there to listen to me go on and on about it the next day.
Four years ago almost, maybe like two weeks before his passing we were on the phone talking. He asked me what my plans were since I had decided that I wasn't going to finish school. Because I had no clue, I just knew that school wasn't going for me at that point anymore I told him flat out that I didn't know. And he said something to me that I will never forget. He told me "Erica you always have a plan. You have had a plan since the day we met. You always know what you are about to do and every time you talk to me about it you sound so sure about doing it. Why is today different? Why don't you have a plan? You need to figure out what you are going to do because if you don't have a plan I feel like the world just might end." And from that moment I've been trying to figure out what my plan was going to be.
A year after his passing I started my event planning buisness. And since the moment I started I've wanted to scream to him, I HAVE A PLAN!!! Funniest thing is that you sometimes think that you will never meet people like that again. Someone you can just talk to. And that was my biggest fear after his passing. That I had literally lost the only person left in this world that I considered to be my friend. I don't have many if those as I have stated in previous post. But something happened the other day. I was talking to a friend of mine and talking about the wedding and how great it was and we were laughing and joking and I felt like we could talk for hours and it dawned on me, THIS IS MY FRIEND. And I felt like I was for the first time not able to open up to someone else but that I have opened up to someone else.
Maybe this post is a little weird. Maybe you wouldn't understand it unless you lost someone you loved. But all I know is that for the first time in a long time I don't feel friendless. For the first time I feel like I can open up again.