Why don't bees inform their fellow bee friends that once you sting a human you die? Like I don't even get it, I'm baffled by the entire concept or lack there of. You would think that they would unite and inform each other and then nobody would get stung. I mean I know they can communicate with each other. Isn't that the whole point of that annoying buzzing sound anyway. Or are their brains not capable of putting two and two together. But how isn't it? They can all come together in these bee colonies and make honey. Then on top of that they live in a nest with like 50 other bees. Prime oppurtunity for them to come up with a strategy to not sting inorder to survive. But that's not it tho! If they sting you and die, where are all the dead bees? Have you seen a dead bee after you got stung? Nah, me either! There should be sidewalks and streets full of bees. But wait, what if all of this is a myth? What if they don't even die? What if they sting you and stay alive and just keep stinging other people? Omg I think that it's all an urban legend and we are all being attacked by the same bee...smh! It's 2am maybe I need to go to bed
7/22/2014 0 Comments Can I Pee in Peace PLEASEWhat happened to my secret place? My sanctuary. The place where I escape my child and get ten minutes to myself. Where did that place go??? I believe I left it with the diapers and wipes. SOMEONE PLEASE BRING IT BACK. Sunday I stroll into the bathroom early that morning to take a tinkle. Camden was still fast asleep. I get in I pull up my night gown and take a seat. Then I place my finger on my home button to check my Instagram and what do you know, there are two little minature feet running to the bathroom crying mommy. Instantly I'm sad. But I put on my happy to see you face. And say "hey munchkin, how did you sleep?" He tells me that he needs to pee too. He sits on his pot and goes. I don't know if this happens to you but I enjoy just sitting on the potty. I don't rush to get up or get the job done. This is suppose to be my time to myself. This is my few minutes to regain myself and relax. But once Camden is done he's ready! Like where is breakfast and let's go outside. And pretend as a parent you aren't pissed! Well I'll be real enough for the both of us, I'm pissed! We wipe and wash and the day starts. Smh! And I'm mad I didn't get to check my IG page in peace. Oh but no that's not it! Sunday night, I put Camden to bed. Tucked him in, read him a book, and said our goodnight prayers. I walk out and semi shut the door. I go in the bathroom to shower. I run the water and get in after brushing my teeth. Once again I hear two little minature feet creeping in yelling to the top of his lungs "mommy I gotta pee, I gotta pee". So I yell back "well pee already!" And I guess he gets the same feeling as I do and just sits on the potty for the entire time that I'm in the shower. I wrap the towel around me and get out. And I tuck him back into bed. Why didn't someone tell me that potty training was the precursor to alone time. If I would have known this Camden would be that 4 year old still wearing a diaper and sucking a binky. 7/20/2014 0 Comments Typical ConversationCamden: ma who lives in that castle Me: Cinderella Camden: what she doing in there Me: sleeping Camden: why Me: because she's tired I guess Camden: why she tired mommy Me: because people get tired, are you tired Camden: no, mommy who made that castle Me: Mickey Mouse Camden: why Me: ummm I guess so she could have somewhere to sleep Camden: oh... (2 minutes go by) Camden: mommy who made ants ( this is where I pass out or tell him to go talk to yaya) 7/13/2014 1 Comment Third Time a Charm?It's so hard for me to be with the right person. There is a perfectly great guy that loves me with all his heart, well did in march, who knows if he does now though. I totally get it if he doesn't. I mean I'm so back and forth with my feelings. One minute I'm head over heels for him and the next I'm not sure that I can love him the way he loves me. But every so often I think about him. I remember how great he is and I regret that I ever let him go. And it's not like that feeling you get because you are desperate for love or because you feel lonely. It's the feeling you get when u come to yourself and say "what am I thinking, this guy is amazing!" Well I got that feeling a few nights ago. Matter of fact it was after I wrote my blog post about best friends. I was thinking that I wanted to wake up and call him and talk about everything that I was feeling. Then I thought, nah I can't call him. He probably hates me. I've hurt him one too many times by not wanting him. How much more can he take. So I didn't call. But for the last week he's been on my brain. And I can't seem to shake it. For the last two months I've been going on dates and trying to get to know someone and then finding out they aren't for me and cutting them off. And when I think about him I think, gosh why can't I ever love Mr. perfect? Why can't I be happy with the guy that puts the smile on my face, the guy that was the only one good enough to meet my son, the guy that treats me right, loves me more than anything. And it's because I don't know how much I'm worth. One of my good friends told me that I didn't know my worth. And I really believe that. Sometimes I don't see myself the way I should. I don't understand how I deserve to be treated. I don't allow myself to be loved the way that I should. How do you change that? Like how do I allow him to love me? How do I allow myself to love him? I'd rather love the idiot who talks to me like I'm anything than love the guy that wants to give me the world. All of which sucks because this would be our third sorta fourth run at this thing. And to be honest, I'm too scared to even begin to have this talk with him. He has all right to hate me. Shoot I would hate me. Just playing with his emotions and hurting him each time. I have decided these last few weeks to pray about every choice I make these days. So that's what I'm going to do. Pray about it and put it in God's hands. This might not be the will of God for my life. I really don't know. Of course I run this past my mother and she's like so for it. I ran it past one of my friends and she says "he was a sexy good one, you know good ones don't usually come cute" lol. But it's still like I don't know. Matters of the heart man. Is the third time really a charm? 7/9/2014 0 Comments "BESTFRIENDS"My dream from last night and the last 9 months has caused me to need to get this off my chest. So here it goes. Get mad if you want or hate me more afterwards, but this is the truth! ( people always get mad at the truth).... Most people go their entire life without ever having a REAL bestfriend. Let me explain to you what a best friend is. I use to have one. We were thick as glue. She was my ace. You know in movies how you see best friends that are inseparable, well that was us. Literally every summer week we had a sleepover at the others house. A best friend is not someone you would give an arm or a leg to. Giving an arm or a leg would mean that you were still able to survive. A best friend is like a sister or brother (if you have strong healthy relationships with your family you will understand this). For my BFF I would give my life. Just like I would give my life for all my sisters, Camden, or parents. I wouldn't just give an organ. I'd literally walk in front of a bullet for these people wih no second thought. All that to say I've only had one BFF my entire life and me and her are no longer friends like that anymore. And I think because of the way that ended (due to the people who thought that purposely tore us apart) I've never had a BFF since then. I'm not saying that I never could again. But I don't think anybody would get me on that level ever again outside of my sisters and mom. Fighting with a best friend is sorta like fighting with the love of your life. You can say anything to that person, scream, yell, curse, pull cards, walk out, want to split up, and all that but turn right around in 5 seconds and be like "ok but are we done". No feelings are hurt. Nobody is truly mad. You are mad at yourself when you fight with your BFF. You know why, because that person knows you like you know you. So generally they are saying to you what you are scared to say to yourself. And how can u get mad at yourself. You can't. You just shrug and and say "yea I guess you're right". Now let's address close friends. I have SOOOO many of those. The few off the top being; Nyiesha, Keelay, Jason, Sekou, Erica, Quisha, and Tiana. These ladies and Gents have been there through thick and thin. But the relationship is different. Different than a BFF. The relationship with this people are the closest I will ever come again to having a best friend. And I'm fine with that. I can't honestly see me jumping in front of a bullet for them (don't be mad guys I'm just being honest lol) but I would give a limb, heart, or and other vital organ for all of these people. All of us have been through so much. I would be sad to see them go. Sad if we had to part ways. I love them with all my heart. But if we fight...I get mad lol. I get mad because they don't understand me to the degree of a bestfriend. They don't get me like someone who knows me inside out. Which is fine. Most of these fight will end with "aight Erica whatever". And we will give each other space and come back and it be over. These fights are harder to get over because it's all based off of opinion. How they think I feel. Why they think I said what I said. This is sorta like a romantic relationship too. Like when you fight with your boyfriend, just one of your old ones who you liked or loved but he def wasn't the one. You fight with them and they always just thought they knew what you was thinking and you're like "nah bruh, I said that cus ...". Like that relationship where you having an actual conversation with the person but they hear you saying something totally different than what's coming out of your mouth. That's us. We love each other enough to be close friends but we can't read each other's minds. We don't know the ends and outs of each other "fully", we just think we do. You get it? Well I had a friend, that I've known pretty much all my life. Or all of the life that counted anyway lol. Elementary until currently lol. To some people time means that you are automatically bffs. Well not to me. Time just means I've known you for a long time. Simple right. Now I love her. Would do anything for her. And because she called me her BFF I've called her the same thing. But for the most part we we're like family. Cousins. We are two total different wave lengths. The things that interest me don't interest her. What I find wrong she finds right. Which is fine. We are different people. People that for one have grown apart since we were little kids. And that's fine. I've noticed it from early one. Certain things that we would say and fight about showed that. But here we are not speaking. And of course all the people that know about the situation are like "but y'all have known each other so long". Is that the rule of thumb for keeping people heavily attached to you? If you have known them "X" amounts of years you should overlook the craziness or the end of a season and beg for them to be your friend again? Should you just forget and let slide how they made you feel or the nasty things they have said to you? Or should you just let the soda that is fizzliling out just fizzle? Granted it hurts. I won't say it doesn't. And it ended horribly. BUT, I honestly feel like we put more effort in keeping it going as long as we did than actually being friends. I was going to do what I always do, be the bigger person. Say sorry and try to work thighs out. But this person was wrong. In more ways than just to me. And I won't go without saying that or pointing it out. But I feel like what's the point. No I'm not saying I wasn't wrong too in iur fight. But I have owned my wrong countless times in this fight to her and she doesn't see where she was wrong at. Or at least she never said it to me. and not only did she wrong me but other people I'm the process of her actions. And whoever (cus there are always cheerleaders) is iggin her own is wrong too. And they aren't real friends either. But I've decided not to reach out. I'm ending things were they stand. When people show their true colors believe them right!? Well that's what I'm going to do. So to all who know who I'm speaking on, read this blog post and make it a point not to discuss it with me anymore. Because it hurts to lose a friend. Regardless!!!! But I just am over defending where I stand. I have no ill feelings towards her but talking about it makes me feel bad that it ended like this. Only because I don't like walking away from people (that's a whole other issue that I'll blog about on another day). So yea, that's what I woke up with. My dream from last night and the last 9 months has caused me to need to get this off my chest. So here it goes. Get mad if you want or hate me more afterwards, but this is the truth! ( people always get mad at the truth).... Most people go their entire life without ever having a REAL bestfriend. Let me explain to you what a best friend is. I use to have one. We were thick as glue. She was my ace. You know in movies how you see best friends that are inseparable, well that was us. Literally every summer week we had a sleepover at the others house. A best friend is not someone you would give an arm or a leg to. Giving an arm or a leg would mean that you were still able to survive. A best friend is like a sister or brother (if you have strong healthy relationships with your family you will understand this). For my BFF I would give my life. Just like I would give my life for all my sisters, Camden, or parents. I wouldn't just give an organ. I'd literally walk in front of a bullet for these people with no second thought. All that to say I've only had one BFF my entire life and me and her are no longer friends like that anymore. And I think because of the way that ended (due to the people who purposely tore us apart) I've never had a BFF since then. I'm not saying that I never could again. But I don't think anybody would get me on that level ever again outside of my sisters and mom. Fighting with a best friend is sorta like fighting with the love of your life. You can say anything to that person, scream, yell, curse, pull cards, walk out, want to split up, and all that but turn right around in 5 seconds and be like "ok but are we done". No feelings are hurt. Nobody is truly mad. You are mad at yourself when you fight with your BFF. You know why, because that person knows you like you know you. So generally they are saying to you what you are scared to say to yourself. And how can u get mad at yourself? You can't. You just shrug and and say "yea I guess you're right". Now let's address close friends. I have SOOOO many of those. The few off the top being; Nyiesha, Keelay, Jason, Sekou, Erica, Quisha, and Tiana. These ladies and Gents have been there through thick and thin. But the relationship is different. Different than a BFF. The relationship with these people are the closest I will ever come again to having a best friend. And I'm fine with that. I can't honestly see me jumping in front of a bullet for them (don't be mad guys I'm just being honest lol) but I would give a limb, lung, or any other vital organ for all of these people. All of us have been through so much. I would be sad to see them go. Sad if we had to part ways. I love them with all my heart. But if we fight...I get mad lol. I get mad because they don't understand me to the degree of a bestfriend. They don't get me like someone who knows me inside out. Which is fine. Most of these fight will end with "aight Erica whatever". And we will give each other space and come back and it be over. These fights are harder to get over because it's all based off of opinion. How they think I feel. Why they think I said what I said. This is sorta like a romantic relationship too. Like when you fight with your boyfriend, just one of your old ones who you liked or loved but he def wasn't the one. You fight with them and they always just thought they knew what you were thinking and you're like "nah bruh, I said that cus ...". Like that relationship where you having an actual conversation with the person but they hear you saying something totally different than what's coming out of your mouth. That's us. We love each other enough to be close friends but we can't read each other's minds. We don't know the ends and outs of each other "fully", we just think we do. You get it? Well I had a friend, that I've known pretty much all my life. Or all of the life that counted anyway lol. Elementary until currently lol. To some people time means that you are automatically bffs. Well not to me. Time just means I've known you for a long time. Simple right. Now I love her. Would do anything for her. And because she called me her BFF I've called her the same thing. But for the most part we we're like family. Cousins. We are on two total different wave lengths. The things that interest me don't interest her. What I find wrong she finds right. Which is fine. We are different people. People that for one have grown apart since we were little kids. And that's fine. I've noticed it from early on. Certain things that we would say and fight about showed that. But here we are not speaking. And of course all the people that know about the situation are like "but y'all have known each other so long". Is that the rule of thumb for keeping people heavily attached to you? If you have known them "X" amounts of years you should overlook the craziness or the end of a season and beg for them to be your friend again? Should you just forget and let slide how they made you feel or the nasty things they have said to you? Or should you just let the soda that is fizzliling out just fizzle? Granted it hurts. I won't say it doesn't. And it ended horribly. BUT, I honestly feel like we put more effort in keeping it going as long as we did than actually being friends. I was going to do what I always do, be the bigger person. Say sorry and try to work things out. But this person was wrong. In more ways than just to me. And I won't go without saying that or pointing it out. But I feel like what's the point. No I'm not saying I wasn't wrong too in our fight. But I have owned my wrong countless times in this fight to her and she doesn't see where she was wrong. Or at least she never said it to me. And not only did she wrong me but other people in the process of her actions. And whoever (cus there are always cheerleaders) is iggin her on is wrong too. And they aren't real friends either. But I've decided not to reach out. I'm ending things were they stand. When people show their true colors believe them right!? Well that's what I'm going to do. So to all who know who I'm speaking on, read this blog post and make it a point not to discuss it with me anymore. Because it hurts to lose a friend. Regardless!!!! But I just am over defending where I stand. I have no ill feelings towards her but talking about it makes me feel bad that it ended like this. Only because I don't like walking away from people (that's a whole other issue that I'll blog about on another day). So yea, that's what I woke up with. 7/8/2014 0 Comments Stay at Home MomSo this week began my journey into a stay at home mom. Some of you may know that I was recently let go from my job. With only a few weeks notice and right before my expensive vacation to Disney world. I've been off of work while Camden was here for about 6 months. During that time I had my own in home daycare center with a few family friends kids. This time it's just me and Camden. I'm beliving God that I'll get one of the 12 jobs I applied for that are doing exactly what I want. But I'm not due to hear back for a few weeks. Because last time I didn't work I felt like I was losing my mind, I've decided to showcase our outings and activities on my blog so that if I lose my mind at least I lost it infront of all my readers (lucky you huh)! Well don't get too excited for this week. This picture displays exactly what we have been doing...lol! No I kid. This week I've been crafting while Camden has been running around in circles knocking over my supplies and kicking my beads over. Like I said we are going to Disney. And the one thing I won't do as a single, currently unemployed mother is spend crazy amounts of money on over priced nonsense. So I spent less money on DIY Mickey hats, ears, and Tshirts. I've been reading all the blog and reviews on how to travel to Disney for cheap. So I'll share some of them with you guys.. 1.) the obvious .... MAKE YOUR OWN SHIRTS AND HATS! You can also buy them from the Disney store. I like to make things so I felt this was the more fun option. 2.) take water bottles and get the free ice water from the park. You can also bring snacks and food in the park so do that as well, 3.) anything you do buy you can buy from the stores and they will have it waiting for you at the exit so that you don't have to carry it around with you the whole day. 4.) flip flops and sandals will give you blisters. So wear some comfortable running shows or sneakers. 5.) if you go to breakfast at 8am you have a chance to meet all the characters before the park even opens. I would tell y'all more...but I'll save the rest to make sure it's all true after my trip. I'll be making sure I get all of the scoop on Disney so I can give you guys the 411. But here are a few picture of the crafts I've made so far and my belly beads...I was talked into making these. Pictures include: shirt for Camden, hat ears for Camden, flower ears for my sisters, belly bands (don't focus too much on my fat belly), autograph book, lace ears for me, flower sunglasses (just because), & Mickey water bottle. 7/2/2014 0 Comments Silence is GoldenDuring the course of the last two years I've practiced the silence is golden rule oh so much. I'm a firm believer in it now. When you don't have anything nice to say, say nothing at all. So this post will leave a lot of missing pieces because I won't type negativity either. But just get the underlined message my dear readers and stop being so nosey lol. The second phase of the Purdge I've inflicted upon myself has caused me to be silent. It has caused me to literally shut myself up. I have taken a break from group chats, certain casual conversations, small talk, and pretty much all other forms of communication that isn't meaningful. This doesn't mean I've gone completely mute lol. Just that I've been thinking a lot. There are things I need to figure out before I release them. Things that I need to make sure I know for certain I need to do before I speak on them. I'm a person of many words. If you know me you know I can be a talker, I get that from my mother. I can tell a story that should only take 2 minutes in a long stretch of about 15 to 20. I'm very long winded. But over the course of maybe a month or close to it, I've been very silent. Sitting back and taking in everything around me. I'm a believer in you have what you say. And before this Purdge I'm not sure what I was saying. So I took a break from talking to watch my words. To slow down and see how I would have responded if I were to speak. I've noticed a lot. And my words have gotten me exactly where I am today. Now you are probably thinking, why not just say something different? Well DUH! Lol! But first you must see something different. First I must see what I want to say. You can't just talk and speak but still not believe. For instance. When my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer I did this same exact thing. I didn't speak I didn't talk about it. I took a break from my group chats and I took a break from people. I didn't speak again until I saw my mother healthy and healed. Once I believed that, I spoke. It worked, praise Jesus! So I'm going to do that exact same thing about this situation. But is it just me or does seeing something for someone else always seem easier than seeing something for yourself? So that explains why I've been shut up for three weeks or so. With my mom it took me a few days,maybe a week tops. But trying to see the light for myself is seeming to take longer. Either way though, I'd rather be silent. If there were a little more silence, if we all kept quiet...maybe then we could understand something. |