I've been very moody this week, my little "friend" is due soon, so I've taking a writing break because I haven't had much to say. Well I have had things to say but none of them positive or even rational. Don't get me wrong though. This post is a little on the upset side, but this is justified and called for. And if it's not OH WELL!
Pick-ups and drop-offs. All parents who aren't together go through this. Some goes smoothly other times not so much. Camden NEVER has a successful pick up. I mean never. His father is either late, cancels, reschedules, or a no show. He has a job where he doesn't really know when he will be getting off. And that part I get. All you need to do is stay in contact with me during the day so I know when to have him ready. But of course that's like pulling teeth.
I had to learn the hard way to never tell Camden when his dad was coming. I was tired of seeing him disappointed and let down. So now I walk around the house talking in code to my family about him coming, "his d-a-d-d-y is on his way". Who wants to live like that. Not only does Camden get hurt, but it hurts me just as much. Seeing my baby sad or knowing that his dad won't just show up. Shaking my head, it makes me so angry.
There was one time that I had Camden for like two months straight. And I'm serious sometimes I need a break. A good nights sleep, a mental break, peace and quiet, or just a me day. And this was one of those times. I had been on edge. Yelling at Camden for hardly nothing and feeling bad about it after. Then his dad calls and says that he's going to pick Camden up that weekend. A bit of relief swept over me. Granted I love being around and with my son. But being a single full time parent is no joke, I envy all the couples with children everyday.
Well that weekend Camden's dad was a no show. And I had it. I was just done. I sent him text telling him exactly who he was. (If you know what I mean). I literally broke down and cried. I mean I was just broken. Another weekend with my mind going 1000 miles a minute. This was during the time that I wasn't working either. So I was just tired. I literally cried myself to sleep that night while holding Camden.
I try so hard not to depend on his father. Because I don't want to be let down either. I know how, at this age, to protect Camden from it. But can someone tell me how to protect myself from it :(