I feel like such a screw up at times. Like I could be doing so much better with Camden and I know I could be. But I think this comes with the story. Like everyone always feels like they could be doing better right? I feel like a screw up when I haven't accomplished everything I need to. When the day starts at 6am and I'm ready for it to be over at noon. I feel like a horrible mother when I yell at Cam or tell him that mommy needs a minute. When I scream at him and say "Camden leave me a lone for 5 seconds". I legit feel like a terrible mom. But it's only because I can't control every second of him. I can't control the day or our time, I can't control what goes wrong or what goes right. And even though he's a great kid I feel like I'm a nervous reck behind the scene and that can't be good.
The thing is I may have to take Camden out of daycare because I may be inbetween jobs in a month. Now this would seem like so much fun if I hadn't just did this for 6 months prior to landing this job. But it doesn't to me. It seems like a nightmare. Last time I was going nuts. Completely overwhelmed and too much time together. That may sound horrible but it's true. What parents doesn't long for dropping their children off at school? I know I do. Even on my off days I take him. Just so I can shower, get dressed and make my bed in pure silence. So I can watch The Today show, with no interruptions. Every parent wants to ship their kids off for a few hours, I'll just be the first to admit it for the world to see.
So when I'm with him all day while I'm out of work I just feel like such a screw up. I feel like a horrible mom. You think of not going to work and you think of sleeping in, well not with a two year old. Your day starts at the same exact time and ends at the same exact time. You wake up and your officially the stay at home mother that you see at the park and think, "how does she do it". I feel terrible because I can't control the situation. Like I legit don't know what to do. It's one thing to have weekend plans. There's always a birthday party or social event you can run off to.
My friends say I need to think of the week days as weekends. Which makes sense. Plan to do something everyday with him. That way he will be entertained and I'll be able to have a moment to think. I miss Camden when he was an infant. Those days at home were so much more fun. He'd sleep and I'd sleep. He would eat and so would I. Now it's like he never wants to just chill. Someone remind me how much longer until they are out of this phase?